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She was nervous. As a military wife, she was about to experience the moment she'd looked forward to for almost a year, and yet, now that it was almost here, she wasn't sure she was ready. She looked at herself in the mirror - she'd gained more weight while he was gone. Her eyes looked tired. She looked around the house. Toys were scattered and dishes sat in the sink. A checkbook on the counter reminded her of how little she'd saved, though their goal had been much different before he'd left. She thought about the last conversation she'd had with her husband on the phone, and how she felt more tension than relief. All she saw around her were the things she could have done differently. Would her husband see the same?
As tough as deployments are for military families, homecomings can also add enormous pressure for everyone involved. Service members wonder if their spouse will welcome them back to their rightful role in the family, spouses worry if their service members will approve of their decisions made while they were away. Children can react to the sudden change of two parents now telling them what to do, and resent that the spouse at home is no longer as focused on them, as they were when the other parent was away.But don't fret. Homecoming is and should be a happy experience. Follow these tips to help your family's reunion be a sweeter time for all.
1. Talk before you meet.
One of the best things you can do to help your homecoming and redeployment transition is to talk over what your expectations are before the reunion happens. Couples can share what each spouse expects - maybe the returning service member wants at least three days to a week just to rest and relax before being asked for help with chores and tasks; the spouse may need reassurance of the job they did while the service member was away. If there are children in the family, couples should discuss how each individual child has handled the deployment and the best way to approach parental discipline after the service member is home. Talking through realistic and perhaps not so realistic expectations, while thinking of everyone's needs, can help your family develop a plan that will offer clarity and remove some of the unknowns in those first few weeks back together.
2. Plan something together.
Whether it's a week away at an amusement park or just a weekend at a hotel and the indoor swimming pool, it's always fun to plan a family getaway for after the deployment is over. This gives everyone something to look forward to and an opportunity for the family to have some fun and relaxation and just focus on each other. Be careful not to plan too much during your time away, you don't want to overschedule and wear everyone out, and don't schedule it as soon as your service member gets home.
3. Discipline with discernment.
If you have children, whether little ones or teenagers, remember that they've gotten used to just one parent calling the shots and there may be some challenges to work through asthey get used to listening to two parents again. Spouses who have been at home and have gotten used to doing things a certain way with their children will need to be willing to consider their returning service member's input; service members should remain flexible enough to understand their spouses may have changed some things as a result of running a one-parent household for a while. Work together to set rules for your kids, and for each other, while realizing routines or structure may need to change from the way it was before. Little children may be nervous or a little afraid at first of being left alone with the returning parent; it's important not to get frustrated with them, but show patience and understanding and realize it will get better soon.
4. Recognize problems sooner than later.
A recent study reported the rate of a soldier or Marine reporting symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) increased significantly after spending three to six months at home (from 8 percent to 12 percent for Army and 7 to 14 percent among Marines). If a service member experiences reoccurring nightmares or flashbacks of combat, becomes withdrawn and doesn't want to be around family members or friends, or seems constantly irritable or agitated, he or she may be experiencing symptoms of PTSD. Even spouses and children can exhibit these symptoms following a difficult deployment, so it's important to be aware so that steps can be taken to get the family member the help he or she needs.